Lookin' Fer Somethin'?

Monday, May 23, 2011

In Which ProofCat Notices a Masked Man Fetish ("Dark Dawn" Playthrough, Part II)


Today marked the second day of me working on my Golden Sun: Dark Dawn playthrough. And let me tell you, I was totally excited!



*tumbleweed*

Last time I left off with lettin' y'all know I was off to explore some ruins -- the Konpa Ruins to be exact. Apparently I'm supposed to meet up with Kraden or somethin' stupid. Yes. Kraden. Remember that ANNOYING old sage that traveled with you and did nothing but annoy the everlivin' outta you? Yes they brought HIM back of all people! JOY. Why on EARTH would they bring back someone who was useful?



Piers...*sob*

Anyway, these ruins are a breeze compared to the lighthouses fans were subjected to in the first two games. Lots of running around, but the puzzles are...well, to be blunt, incredibly stupid and easy. I swear, with a half a brain cell you could figure these out.

Deep inside the ruins is this funky tablet with all these neat symbols on it. Now, I'm a hardcore nerd, so I very much love symbols. So I took out my notebook and began recording in the ancient language so I could be pretentious in the future when I used it:



But then I noticed that the characters and the letters they corresponded to in the American alphabet didn't match up. They were inconsistent. As FUKYEAHSEAKING already knows, MAXIMUM RAEG ENSUED:

ProofCat:YOU KNOW WHAT DARK DAWN
I always write down the cool runes and such I see in these games, and I was copying down the runes for the Konpa Ruins...AND THEY AREN'T CONSISTENT WITH WHICH CHARACTER CORRESPONDS TO WHICH ALPHABET LETTER.

FUKYEAH: Well, it could also just follow different linguistic patterns. It doesn't have to be a one-to-one correlation. *shrug*

ProofCat: Some of them match and some don't.
The D in "SEND" uses the character for R in "SKYWARD", but the R in "FLOWER" is different than the one for "SKYWARD."
But the "FLOWER" R matches the "CENTER" R.
**"FLOWER" D
So I'm like WHICH IS IT. D OR R

FUKYEAH: ...oh. Well. That's...a bit...suspicious.

ProofCat: And I mean "SKYWARD" D. RAEG CANNOT SPELL

FUKYEAH: "LET'S JUST SPAM IT WITH A JUMBLE OF WEIRD SHIT, NO ONE WILL ACTUALLY NOTICE"
Camelot, you seem to be unfamiliar with the concept of NEEEEEEEEERDS.


Do they ever! Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed.

I loved how you needed someone of each element/alignment to proceed through these ruins. It was almost like a nod to the lighthouses in the previous two games. "Remember those days? When you seemed to have an actual mission? Not just an errand to retrieve a stupid feather to repair something you probably will never get to use? Yeah. Go ahead and cry."

UGH.

Anyway, long story short you get to the caves below the ruins (HOW EXCITING) and meet up with Kraden, Nowell and Rief. Apparently Nowell and Rief are the daughter and son of Mia...or as I like to think of them, "Mia's daughters." Because let's face it, Rief is totally a girl.



If Velma from Scooby-Doo dyed her hair blue and carried around a stick, this is how she would look. TRY AND TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG.

Think I'm still wrong? Then guess what is the first thing Rief does after you meet him. If you guessed getting kidnapped, YOU ARE CORRECT. HE IS A FREAKING DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. END OF STORY.

Anyway, after a brief boss battle with some "Scouts" -- who, quite frankly, look like freakin' gladiators with gimpy bows -- we're introduced to some antagonists. First, we meet Blados, who seems like the bastard son of Saturos and Garet. He's mouthy, rude and carried a big sword. Yup, definitely their love child. And then we see this man:



OH MY LORD. I WONDER WHO THIS COULD BE...NOPE. NO IDEA WHATSOEVER.

FUKYEAH: HANG ON, WAIT, THAT BLUE HAIR?

OH WAIT FUCK

IT IS OBVIOUSLY MIA, HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THIS

A SHAME THESE KIDS CAN'T RECOGNIZE THEIR OWN MOTHER


(Look! Another shameless shout out to FUKYEAHSEAKING. But really, why not? Most everything he says is hilarious.)

Seriously, Camelot...it's so OBVIOUSLY Alex from the original games. Yeah, maybe NEW fans wouldn't know who the heck he is but ANYONE who played Golden Sun and Golden Sun: The Lost Age would KNOW that this is Alex. My intelligence is actually insulted.

And really, what's with Camelot's Masked Man Fetish? First we had Felix parading around in a mask for the first game and now we get "Masked Man" aka SOTOTALLYALEXDERP. None of the women seem to wear masks...



I'm on to you, Camelot!

Anyway, as per the usual, we are derailed from our northward journey to retrieve Rief from the southern exit of the caves. And here marks our "point of no return" -- Blados caves in the only route fit for backtracking. Well, that totally sucks. He encourages the party to move forward. And by encourages I mean threatens at virtual swordpoint. Whatta creep.

Chilly Velma joins your party outside and tells you that you need to get going to a town to the south before you begin your treacherous climb over the northern mountains...fun.

I'll end this post here. I'll keep playing and if I feel the need to do so, another post will get tacked up sometime later this morning.

Karis: You meant to kill Kraden with that ambush!

Blados: Yeah we did! And would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!




Jinkies!

(See? I told you it'd work.)

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