In Which ProofCat Preps for Tales of Hotness and Maximum RAEG.

Yes. You heard me. Tales of Hotness. But I digress about the hotness...for now. Let's start by diving straight into one of my favorite games: Tales of Vesperia!



Tales of Vesperia is one of the more recent additions to the lengthy Tales series of games. They come from -- you guessed it -- Japan. However, it's a much lesser known series than Final Fantasy or pretty much anything by Squeenix. And why, you may ask? Well, it's not really localized seriously over here in the U.S...and as such, Japan doesn't always release the rights to American companies for translations and English dubs. And that really sucks for those of us (like me) that can't read fluently in Japanese.

And here's where my maximum RAEG comes in.

Tales of Vesperia was originally released for the XBox 360. Totally rad, yeah? Well, get this: Japan released a new and totally beefed up version of Vesperia for PS3...but it's not going to be localized over here. Wow. Way to make life suck.

Imagine getting your Wonka chocolate bar...and inside the wrapper is a Golden Ticket! Huzzah! Now imagine that ticket being torn away from you with the only explanation being, "THIS CONTENT IS UNAVAILABLE IN YOUR REGION." Totally the opposite of huzzah...so...hazzuh, I guess.

So, for the record, I will be reviewing Tales of Vesperia on the XBox 360 console. No epic version for me. Booface.

Well, whatevs. Let's get some backstory on this game.

The game is actually a sequel to a movie...though the game came out before the movie. So the movie is a prequel that came out afterward...and the movie only makes sense if you played the game first...but there are lots of events that only become clear once you've seen the movie. SO MUCH CONFUSING. Either way, the movie is called Tales of Vesperia: First Strike.


The movie's pretty rad. The music and animation are both very pretty, and maybe I'm biased but I love the characters, too. It's only available with Japanese audio and English subs at the moment, but I totally recommend it.

On to characters!

You see the lovely looking gent below this sentence?


Yes, this one (and yes, this is a gent.)

This is Yuri Lowell, the sword-wielding protagonist of the Vesperia story. Joining him on his adventure are his loyal, pipe-carrying dog Repede and the princess of the kingdom, Estelle. Normally I hate princess characters, but she's a Healer-type who wields a sword and shield. Bad.ass.

Anywhoo, most of the motley crew is pretty standard. There's the whiny young boy Karol, the spear-wielding curvacious Judith, and hot-headed mage Rita.


I love Rita as much as any other BAMF, but if she was the main heroine, I'm pretty sure it'd have to be renamed Tales of PMS.

Other random characters include the ever loyal knight, Flynn and PS3-exclusive pirate girl, Patty.

BUT MY FAVORITE OF ALL TIME IS THIS SKETCHBALL:


BEHOLD THE GLORY THAT IS RAVEN.

I LOVE this guy. He keeps appearing everywhere around your party, playing the part of the "pervy old man" of the group. Don't believe me? Watch this clip from the game:


If this doesn't haunt your nightmares, nothing will.

Even with all his sketchiness, Raven is a really awesome character. He fights primarily with a folding bow, a weapon he can fold out into a full-length longbow as well as condense into a compact sword. Oh, and he ALSO gets a dagger. Freakin' sweet. His style is pretty ridiculous, too.


And I mean like, "Let's defy some physics!" level ridiculous.

So, once the playthrough starts, expect me to use him nonstop once he becomes available to the party.

SPEAKING OF THE PLAYTHROUGH. The lovely Little Miss Squish will be doing a dual review with me. We shall play alongside each other as we progress through Tales of Vesperia...and it will be freaking awesome. So stay tuned for when that will begin! Hopefully we can get it off the ground tomorrow, but college often gets in the way. What can you do.

I sincerely look forward to playing through this game again after about 3 years -- and with one of my best friends, nonetheless! Hope to see y'all there!